Tuesday, September 16, 2008

This week compo ( Revenge)

Revenge

I was walking in a dark alley. The alley was so dark that I could barely even see my hands but I had no choice because I was almost late for my tuition and that was the only shortcut to my tuition center. A solitary lamp stood in the middle of the dirty, impure alley and its light flickering every second, I tried humming to myself to keep my fear away.

Suddenly, I felt there was a shadow behind me, I turned back and saw nothing. “Maybe I am just imagining things,” I told myself and shuffled forward to make some sound. Just then I saw the shadow again, but this time it was going closer and closer towards me. I speeded myself, kept on telling myself that I was imagining things, I got scared and turned around. This time, a man was taking a knife trying to stab me. Overcome with fright, I lost my balance and fell down. “Who are you and what are you doing!” I shouted. “I am here to take revenge!” the man replied. What? What was he talking about? Just then, I seem to remember something. I helped the police to catch a wanted criminal. He was too angry for words and he tried to stab me but I threw my bag at him and he stabbed the bag. He threw the bag away and I crawled back until I hit a dead end. “hahaha! No one can save you now!” he said in excitement. Just then a policeman on patrol went pass the alley. I saw him and shouted “Save me! Help!” the policeman turned and saw us and he faster draw out his gun, “Stop right there!” the criminal dropped his knife and turned around. He raised his hands and walked forward. As soon as he walked in front of the policeman, he pushed the policeman and ran. Stop or I shoot you!” The policeman yelled. The criminal ignored the warning and ran as fast he could. Bang! The policeman shot the leg of the criminal, “argh!” he yelled.

The criminal fell on the ground, remaining silence and was bleeding profusely. I stood up and followed behind the policeman. The policeman put the gun back to the poach and walked forward carefully. He immediately called the police and told me to call the ambulance. “Ok..” I said. Soon, the alley was filled with siren and the police took me to the police station and asked me why the wanted criminal was going to kill me. I told them what happen and why he wanted to kill me. After an hour, the police let me go out of the police station and I saw the policeman that saved me “thank you” and went home quietly. Days later, I soon knew that the criminal was dead.

1 comment:

tsooc said...

Dear KQ,

Great efforts in practising your writing. Good. Keep experimenting to improve. You can also take note of the following in your 2nd draft.

- Your story mentioned 'I helped the police to catch a wanted criminal. He was too angry for words and..' It is not clear here whether this man was the criminal caught by you or not. If so, how did he escape from the prison? Suggestion: You can start your story with a news about a escaped convict whom you found familiar but could not recall where you had seen him before.

-How did the criminal die? Not clear. Not clear what happened to him too.

Looking forward to your second draft.